The TURF: We of Biological Clock and Financial Clock Determiner Vs The Contra!
This ain’t an epistolary letter to Juliet nor Romeo but an open letter to address the Social dictates of what marks the onset of the smallest unit in our society.
Am more into the praxis’s of Marriage than the theoretical advancement of what marriage is or is not.What one should do pre- marriage or what parametres should be set before taking the steps to propose or marry character X Y or Z.
To set the record straight, am not married nor nearing the season.But as some friends and random strangers once said while in a heated debate, ” Better observe, learn from others and their experiences than walk in the mistakes made for decades and century.”So some of the below are from interaction with different degree of persons ( young, old and married), research and debates.
So the vital question around relationship came up.What is the determiner that a lady or gentleman is ready for marriage? An answer came in the most concise way, again with a later expounded statement.
The determiner to the point when either gender is set to marry is : For Men is Financial Clock and for Ladies is Biological Clock.And this is where the Turf arose, with each person depicting their knowledge prowess for and against the answer.Both armed with science, facts, anecdocal , observation and quote of the married couples they know and Celebrity life.
Simply put for the proponents of the two clocks, Women will set to get to the point of wanting to get married when they sense their biological clock is ticking.They will need to get married when they realize they are next to hugging their manopause, with less than 5% per cycle of getting pregnant.So at early age of majority to around or upto age 28 to slightly 29 will not bother much about marriage.Afterwards their will/ need to be in their dream marriage with a man of their choice to whom they will have kids in the union Kicks in. This is where , in humour or sadness depends on the side of the coin and who see what side, most men even known comedians joke that Ladies at 29 + will welcome any frog that comes their way.
Financial Clock = Men.Yes, we men.Generally, both tradition and even in the 21st century, dictates that men are providers, protectors, defenders and feed on respect and submission from their better half less compared to reciprocity of the emotion called love.Well, am not much of an ecclesiastical, but the Holy books states a man needs love while he ought to provide.
Many mens worry to marry or not to marry is their capability to provide.Their financial pocket/wallet/bank accounts keeps pushing them to a spiral web of “Till I get Financially Stable then shall I marry.” A big percentage of Us men never put a definition to what being financially stable means to us so we go along increasing the paycheck or money or getting into deal which at times gets south till we are 30, 35,40 without realizing whether we have reached the Financial stability we desire in order to tie the knot.
At young we rather spend the little we get on booz, laying lady x yz and priding ourselves on the achievement ( well this is not bad and is part of what we have been introduced to since our young age).But with little or zero saving/investing.Investing is a giant when the money is gone or there is little to invest.
I was told this while undertaking my pupillage by a senior lady colleague:-
“Waah, this weekend has been busy.Wellingtone, pay less attention and spending the less money you have on ladies (in plural empasis).Invest, find money even if it laughs back, get your house in order then find a girl to marry.If you have that one that you are sure of then when time comes then marry her but take her to an established homestead.I was in a wedding this weekend to a friend who married at forty.Nothing at his wedding was sponsored .His wife is in her late late 20’s.He paid for his weeding.To us to radison for after party, he spoiled us.We ate what we wanted at his bill…..”
She continued, ” If you ever invite me to your wedding, I’ll accept but never add me to your whatsapp group to contribute a penny towards your marriage.I won’t be part of it.I will exit like I never was.”
The fear that underly most men as to whether they can date or marry Lady X or Y that leads them to question whether they are worth it is their inability to meet the maintenance and providing capability.If all men war at equal financial prowess with Diamond or Dagote then they would Champion to their way to being in a relatiosnhip with Tanasha Dona.
The lack of men defining what is financial stability per their enivironment effort and projection has led many to accept it and sought wedding financial assistance to meet a financial clock to marry the lady they love or need to be with in marriage.Nothing wrong with that but their are other cheaper affordable to finance.a wessing before declaring yourself ” bankrupt” to the whole world and smaller religious community.One iclude a visit to the AG for civil marriage.Traditional marriage then get your marriage registered and get certificate.Guess, the fear is the attachment to society and a norm to be followed otherwise you will be eschewed by the same pool of people you hold dear (or perhaps believe to hold dear).
The Contarian Turf to the Biological and Financial Clock position: all the above is B*****it.
The modern society does not put a cap on women to get married since their biological clock is ticking.It is their choice.They can get married at 21, 25,26 30,35 or even at 40 with or without a child out of wedlock.It is the Feminism period, no censor for women.
Such a biological clock will make women fixate on marriage and end up marrying the wrong man.This will lead to a dead marriege from the onset.
Men have their ups and down .What if they lose job/ source of income and their monies while preparing to get married?Do they stop with their plans
to marry x yz ? No. Such aman who runs away is a coward.The concept that men in 30,40 years back had many cattles and land hence economic prowess and visibility is not solid to modern times and it has anology is BS.Things are different now.Mena and women can always assist each other on matters of finance even while planning to get married and during the marriage.
And sourcing for financial assistance to sponsor ones marriage is not evil.Situations are different.
Well readers, this ain’t Epistles of Paul.Your finding and way forward of the above is to your consumption.