Gaslighting in relationships refers to a situation where one partner makes the other doubt their sanity, intelligence, and generally their capabilities. The victim begins to think that they are not good enough and will often look for the approval of the oppressive partner before making any decision.
For example, an oppressive partner may force the victim to believe that a business they are trying to run is not so great by throwing in demeaning words and failing to offer support. The victim, who is vulnerable gives in to the criticism and gives up on growing the business.
Some partners may attack the victim on the areas they are not good at and use those areas to make them feel like they know nothing in general.
How many times have you found yourself being gaslighted or gaslighting someone?
Martha Nyaboke
I have experienced this bug have never known it had a name. Maybe I have done it too, is it wrong when you honestly ask these questions?
Precious Wamau
Hehe, is it normal that this is the first time I have heard the word Gaslighting ever! I need new friends because the ones I have are not updating their vocabulary… Anyway, I did a small research on the word and came across it’s interesting origin story.
Apparently, the word Gaslighting was first used in a 1938 stage play and later a 1940 movie called Gas Light. It is the story of a man who wanted to drive his wife crazy by dimming the gas-powered lights in their home and pretending that they are okay when the wife asks.
I actually thought of watching Gas Light the movie after finding a working link online. It seems like a good watch and I may just watch it now to know how it all went for the Gaslighted wife…
Besides that, I looked up ways to know if you are being Gaslighted and found some interesting examples. For instance, when someone says things like: “Why are you making things up?!” “You are so jealous!” “Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.” “It’s all in your head.”
The aim of Gaslighting is to demean the victim and make them question their own feelings, instincts, sanity. What makes it worse is the fact that it mostly comes from people who are close to you like a lover or someone in authority like a teacher. And because you love or respect them, you tend to believe what they say and thus think you are the one on the wrong. I think this is should be classified as emotional abuse and violence.
Here is a link to the Full Movie: Gas Light 1940 Movie on YouTube
Manser Thelua
This happens almost everyday even with people who are not in relationships. It is not all bad depending on the people involved. Some people use it as a joke but if the recipient is too sensitive, they may take it in a bad way.
Lynnet Wawira
@Manser Thelua I agree with you. Being cautious with words and respecting the different personalities is very important everywhere; workplace, home etc
Lynnet Wawira
@Martha Nyaboke When you start questioning, that is a sign of red flags in the relationship
Lynnet Wawira
It has taken me forever to get back here. Thank you so much for sharing the link Precious. And for sure gas-lighting is a form of abuse, emotional, psychological and can lead to depression and suicide. @Precious Wamau
Gerald Kariuki
Gaslighting seems to be a normal thing we do each day, especially as a reactionary result to stupid actions. It can be a form of sarcasm too and just like any other joke, it is the responsibility of the receiver to interpret it however they want.
Peter Mwanzia
Relationships have become too technical. People come in with too much knowledge based on other people that it is almost impossible for the two of you to create your own reality.
What happened to real love? What happened to fantasies where people were whisked away to other worlds by deep love? Must we always have @Precious Wamau thank you for the video, will look at it to see more of this but I am still confused by how complicated we have made relationships to be.