I hear you. I have come to learn that most bullies (whether male or female) are people with chronic low self-esteem. This then drives them to ‘compensate’ through anti-social behaviour (not to say that everyone who suffers from low self-esteem in effect automatically deals with it in this way or the same as another). The way to deal with this would be to deal with the root cause – why do individuals do what they do? Such people do what they do to feel good about themselves and it’s a psychological phenomenon manifested in different ways, e.g. drug abuse, sexual violence, horrible bosses, extremely harsh parents, etc.

Most bullies were actually once bullied themselves or at the very least exposed to a social environment where their humanity was demeaned. In adult life such self-esteem issues are also manifest by a ‘constant false sense of competition’. This is common with abusive people in positions of leadership like a bad boss. They will demean and put-down their staff, especially those who seem intelligent or hardworking, in a bid not be ‘out-done’. A man who beats up his wife was probably (but not always the case) brought up exposed to an environment where violence was an ‘acceptable’ form of expressing aggression and/or sanctioning behaviour, and so on and so forth. But, also note, many also tend to turn out the opposite of the environment they experienced e.g. a person who chooses not to take alcohol because they do not want to turn out like those they grew up with that became alcoholics.

A lot can be said on this topic but, as I alluded to earlier, it is an issue that needs to be nipped in the bud from formative years.

Next week, my company will launch a podcast series on such issues where conversations with professionals and stakeholders are had in a bid to find a solution. The podcast is called ALMASI, follow it on SoundCloud – https://soundcloud.com/almasi-nairobi

I may sound like a very cold person but this is my reality – I have 0 tolerance for betrayal. This does not mean I hold a grudge, oh no, disloyal people don’t deserve that space & time. It simply means I act swiftly & decisively on those who harm me or others in order to prevent a repeat. This is very important.

Do not confuse this with ‘revenge’ – no. Revenge is retributive and out of spite with no pragmatic purpose. What I speak of here is more teleological and effective – learning from your botched interaction and avoiding a repeat occurrence the same way you’d say, not lend a friend money because he did not pay back the last time you did – here there is no grudge nor is there retribution, it’s pure logic. You learned that he is incapable of handling money and therefore made a decision to avoid a repeat case. That’s all.
You have to realise something, in this world there are people who are totally ruthless and will not hesitate to take advantage of your kindness to their benefit.

From next year I won’t be in the youth bracket anymore but I will say, in my short life thus far, I have encountered some of the most devious individuals. And the interesting thing is, there are still more devious & colder people I am yet to interact with. That is life. Be prepared.

PS: Do not lose a wink of sleep over the cold & ruthless instead learn to survive.

I have experienced violence both publicly and domestically. I believe the criminal justice system, though very wanting in many ways, is NOT the solution. Also, the judiciary’s job is to interpret the law not enforce it … further more, the executives job is to enforce the law created by the legislature – again, no solutions from these institutions. The approach has to be ‘reparative’ not ‘retributive’. We [Kenya] are currently using the latter approach.

A solution would be to deal with the problem before it happens (prophylactic) until it eventually stops happening.

What I discovered is that violence is not inherent in individuals unless of course they suffer congenitally/physiologically from mental illness that can be manifested by acts of aggression. Most often the violent nature in persons is a consequence of socialisation and environment i.e. those brought up in households with violence are likely to be violent. HOWEVER, this is not a direct correlation and, in fact, many people who grow up in violent homes DO NOT become violent themselves.

In short, violent behaviour as characterised by individuals is a complex matter with many contributing factors so, to deal with it, we must be cognizant to these multiple factors. Drug use/abuse also contributes to violent behaviour in some individuals as much as self-esteem issues may lead to the same (e.g. a person who feels that the only way they can express themselves is via aggression).

I also learned, through personal experience, that violence/abusive behaviour is a vicious cycle if left untreated. This inspired my short film KALEIDOSCOPE (2016) which is themed on GBV along with mental illness as a sub-theme. Do watch it via below link: –