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Robert Mũnũku

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  1. Asked: January 13, 2019In: Sexuality and Relationships

    How do we deal with Sexual abuse/harassment amongst students, especially high school and college?

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Added an answer on January 14, 2019 at 4:15 pm

    I hear you. I have come to learn that most bullies (whether male or female) are people with chronic low self-esteem. This then drives them to ‘compensate’ through anti-social behaviour (not to say that everyone who suffers from low self-esteem in effect automatically deals with it in this way or theRead more

    I hear you. I have come to learn that most bullies (whether male or female) are people with chronic low self-esteem. This then drives them to ‘compensate’ through anti-social behaviour (not to say that everyone who suffers from low self-esteem in effect automatically deals with it in this way or the same as another). The way to deal with this would be to deal with the root cause – why do individuals do what they do? Such people do what they do to feel good about themselves and it’s a psychological phenomenon manifested in different ways, e.g. drug abuse, sexual violence, horrible bosses, extremely harsh parents, etc.

    Most bullies were actually once bullied themselves or at the very least exposed to a social environment where their humanity was demeaned. In adult life such self-esteem issues are also manifest by a ‘constant false sense of competition’. This is common with abusive people in positions of leadership like a bad boss. They will demean and put-down their staff, especially those who seem intelligent or hardworking, in a bid not be ‘out-done’. A man who beats up his wife was probably (but not always the case) brought up exposed to an environment where violence was an ‘acceptable’ form of expressing aggression and/or sanctioning behaviour, and so on and so forth. But, also note, many also tend to turn out the opposite of the environment they experienced e.g. a person who chooses not to take alcohol because they do not want to turn out like those they grew up with that became alcoholics.

    A lot can be said on this topic but, as I alluded to earlier, it is an issue that needs to be nipped in the bud from formative years.

    Next week, my company will launch a podcast series on such issues where conversations with professionals and stakeholders are had in a bid to find a solution. The podcast is called ALMASI, follow it on SoundCloud – https://soundcloud.com/almasi-nairobi

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  2. Asked: November 2, 2018In: Sexuality and Relationships

    What should I do if my girlfriend texts other guys who like and flirts with her?

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Replied to answer on November 12, 2018 at 6:11 pm
    This answer was edited.

    I disagree with this approach. Yes, we should always be in constant reflection on how to be the best we can be, firstly to ourselves, then to our partner, then to the world. However, this self-reflection shouldn't be prompted by outside factors - it should be a conscious ongoing effort from within.Read more

    I disagree with this approach.
    Yes, we should always be in constant reflection on how to be the best we can be, firstly to ourselves, then to our partner, then to the world. However, this self-reflection shouldn’t be prompted by outside factors – it should be a conscious ongoing effort from within.
    Her doing what she does shouldn’t be conflated with who you are or vice versa. It’s like a person committing murder then asking you to ‘check yourself’ because you probably prompted them to.
    NOONE makes anyone do anything – we CHOOSE. So back to your question, I say, ask her why she does it and hear what she says. But I would strongly urge you to reconsider such a relationship.
    Read my post on “What kind of a person should you avoid being in a relationship with” via this link: https://www.fatumasvoice.org/question/what-kind-of-person-should-you-avoid-being-in-a-relationship-with/
    All the best!

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  3. Asked: September 12, 2018In: Sexuality and Relationships

    Where do you seek help when you experience sexual problems, like lack of interest, problems with arousal, difficulty reaching orgasm, anxiety or pain?

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Added an answer on October 13, 2018 at 11:53 pm

    I'd say matters sex are very personalised (not 'personal') which means the genesis of solution should be firstly from the individual. In my very short life-span thus far on earth, I have discovered that sex is complex because it traverses 4 elements that make up a human being - physical, emotional,Read more

    I’d say matters sex are very personalised (not ‘personal’) which means the genesis of solution should be firstly from the individual.

    In my very short life-span thus far on earth, I have discovered that sex is complex because it traverses 4 elements that make up a human being – physical, emotional, psychological & spiritual/essential (that which pertains to the essence or ‘soul’ if you like).

    Also, most people fail to realise that sexual energy and hence sexual well-being is in constant flux. It only makes sense if you consider the above (4) elements. Most sex-related problems arise from (falsely) assuming that sexual well-being is static.

    I will not say more, but leave you with these 2 scenarios to ponder in the hope that they will shed light towards an answer for you:

    a) If I am physically attracted to a woman then, say, later learn she has an obnoxious character (i.e. treating staff in a hotel disrespectfully, selfishness or being mean to children) I lose interest and even do not find her attractive anymore which is interesting because she hasn’t physically changed. This implies a change in the essential (of the 4 above).

    b) you said “many women feel that sex is unrewarding, uncomfortable or painful” this is true and it will surprise you that it also applies to men. What is ‘rewarding’ to you? This question implies an expectation one has prior to having sex which would be an emotional or physical satisfaction, or both. ‘Uncomfortable & pain’ could be physical or psychological – this means there’s a barrier that needs to be overcome (for psychological) e.g. past trauma, etc.

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  4. Asked: October 13, 2018In: Education and Careers

    Where am I supposed to get work experience for the current job market?

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
    • 32 Questions
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Added an answer on October 13, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    The world is changing. The world is in constant flux. I don't know how it is in your country but I guess it is the same everywhere. We are in the information age. Information velocity is increasing at an increasing rate (this post is itself testimony to this - 20 years ago I would not have been ableRead more

    The world is changing. The world is in constant flux.

    I don’t know how it is in your country but I guess it is the same everywhere. We are in the information age. Information velocity is increasing at an increasing rate (this post is itself testimony to this – 20 years ago I would not have been able to interact with a person in West Africa from my laptop – firstly because I wouldn’t have a laptop, secondly because of terrible internet speeds).

    I’d say, build your own experience – don’t wait to be hired to do this. Brand yourself as an individual and sell your skills as you (as you garner more skills). Eventually those who would want to employ someone would come looking for you, a time at which you will have bargaining power.

    The days of sitting behind a PC and sending out numerous job applications are long gone. That is now tantamount to shooting in the dark and hoping to hit the target. Social capital is the answer & networking is its fuel. Hack this.

    If you do not like how the table is laid, turn the table.

    All the best!

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  5. Asked: September 28, 2018In: Human Rights and Justice

    Revenge or Forgiveness? And why?

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Added an answer on October 12, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    I may sound like a very cold person but this is my reality - I have 0 tolerance for betrayal. This does not mean I hold a grudge, oh no, disloyal people don't deserve that space & time. It simply means I act swiftly & decisively on those who harm me or others in order to prevent a repeat. ThRead more

    I may sound like a very cold person but this is my reality – I have 0 tolerance for betrayal. This does not mean I hold a grudge, oh no, disloyal people don’t deserve that space & time. It simply means I act swiftly & decisively on those who harm me or others in order to prevent a repeat. This is very important.

    Do not confuse this with ‘revenge’ – no. Revenge is retributive and out of spite with no pragmatic purpose. What I speak of here is more teleological and effective – learning from your botched interaction and avoiding a repeat occurrence the same way you’d say, not lend a friend money because he did not pay back the last time you did – here there is no grudge nor is there retribution, it’s pure logic. You learned that he is incapable of handling money and therefore made a decision to avoid a repeat case. That’s all.
    You have to realise something, in this world there are people who are totally ruthless and will not hesitate to take advantage of your kindness to their benefit.

    From next year I won’t be in the youth bracket anymore but I will say, in my short life thus far, I have encountered some of the most devious individuals. And the interesting thing is, there are still more devious & colder people I am yet to interact with. That is life. Be prepared.

    PS: Do not lose a wink of sleep over the cold & ruthless instead learn to survive.

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  6. Asked: October 10, 2018In: Sexuality and Relationships

    Is it possible for a lady to have a boy-friend without sexual benefits?

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
    • 32 Questions
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Replied to answer on October 12, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    I say 'sexual benefits' already says a lot about what most people think of sex ... For me sex is not a benefit. Sex is sex. A friendship/relationship of whatever sort is defined by the 2 people in it and it does not become lesser/greater because of sex/lack thereof. Why most relationships collapse iRead more

    I say ‘sexual benefits’ already says a lot about what most people think of sex …
    For me sex is not a benefit. Sex is sex. A friendship/relationship of whatever sort is defined by the 2 people in it and it does not become lesser/greater because of sex/lack thereof.

    Why most relationships collapse is because most people think sex is ‘an offer’ you give the other person (esp. women) & ‘a gift/reward/conquest’ you get (esp. men).
    In my view, sex is should be a mutual communion between whoever engages in it and this goes beyond the physical, emotional & psychological – it is (should be) an essential (pertaining to ‘essence’/soul) climax of expression of love between 2 human beings. Anything short of this is but a cheap transient lustful anticlimax rife for failure as are most relationships today.

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  7. Asked: September 27, 2018In: Human Rights and Justice

    Gender Based Violence v/s The Criminal Justice System

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Added an answer on September 27, 2018 at 2:28 pm

    I have experienced violence both publicly and domestically. I believe the criminal justice system, though very wanting in many ways, is NOT the solution. Also, the judiciary's job is to interpret the law not enforce it ... further more, the executives job is to enforce the law created by the legislaRead more

    I have experienced violence both publicly and domestically. I believe the criminal justice system, though very wanting in many ways, is NOT the solution. Also, the judiciary’s job is to interpret the law not enforce it … further more, the executives job is to enforce the law created by the legislature – again, no solutions from these institutions. The approach has to be ‘reparative’ not ‘retributive’. We [Kenya] are currently using the latter approach.

    A solution would be to deal with the problem before it happens (prophylactic) until it eventually stops happening.

    What I discovered is that violence is not inherent in individuals unless of course they suffer congenitally/physiologically from mental illness that can be manifested by acts of aggression. Most often the violent nature in persons is a consequence of socialisation and environment i.e. those brought up in households with violence are likely to be violent. HOWEVER, this is not a direct correlation and, in fact, many people who grow up in violent homes DO NOT become violent themselves.

    In short, violent behaviour as characterised by individuals is a complex matter with many contributing factors so, to deal with it, we must be cognizant to these multiple factors. Drug use/abuse also contributes to violent behaviour in some individuals as much as self-esteem issues may lead to the same (e.g. a person who feels that the only way they can express themselves is via aggression).

    I also learned, through personal experience, that violence/abusive behaviour is a vicious cycle if left untreated. This inspired my short film KALEIDOSCOPE (2016) which is themed on GBV along with mental illness as a sub-theme. Do watch it via below link: –

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  8. Asked: July 11, 2018In: Politics and Governance

    Middleclass tendencies.

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
    • 32 Questions
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Replied to answer on July 11, 2018 at 10:59 am

    The middle class is a varied class with peculiar behaviour ... But today let me pick the middle class age bracket of 21 - 28 years (millennials) as an example (& not all of course, but a disproportionate segment that I have personally either observed or interacted with - maybe someone else has hRead more

    The middle class is a varied class with peculiar behaviour … But today let me pick the middle class age bracket of 21 – 28 years (millennials) as an example (& not all of course, but a disproportionate segment that I have personally either observed or interacted with – maybe someone else has had a different experience): –

    – talented and exposed (to information) as they may be they are an entitled class, i.e. they strongly feel the world/people owes them in so many ways (success); they suffer from chronic impatience and want everything to happen instantly
    – they have a sense of narcissism cloaked as ‘personal philosophy’ and need constant recognition to exaggerate their accomplishments (suffer from severe low self-esteem) i.e. that’s why they often stay online seeking validity from the world with the internet as a buffer – always commenting & having an opinion about everything (& nothing?)
    – they are ‘spoiled brats’ in the sense that they do not feel they need to give anything but rather it is always what they can get …

    I fear for this generation because in 15 – 20 years time they will be fully mature adults but as such a demographic without a real sense of direction. [Sadly] this demographic is also the most prone to drug abuse, suicide and mental illness.

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  9. Asked: July 11, 2018In: Politics and Governance

    Should we cut (dependancy) links with foreigners & develop Kenya with our own resources?

    Robert Mũnũku

    Robert Mũnũku

    • Nairobi, Kenya
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    Robert Mũnũku Experienced
    Replied to answer on July 11, 2018 at 8:22 am

    But the elections are also marred with corruption and culture of prejudice ... What I mean is, few people (like you) vote using sheer merit as a measure of leadership. Most do so on tribal lines and (mostly) 'money-factor'. A few families in this country hold the economy at ransom and likewise the sRead more

    But the elections are also marred with corruption and culture of prejudice …
    What I mean is, few people (like you) vote using sheer merit as a measure of leadership. Most do so on tribal lines and (mostly) ‘money-factor’.

    A few families in this country hold the economy at ransom and likewise the same families control political patronage – in short, the people who can be, say, president, are predetermined long before an election.

    In my view, the beginning of the ‘revolution’ would mean a dismantling of this system of patronage. How? I don’t have a silver-bullet, but I do believe grassroots mobilisation (which should have began yesterday) could be a start, i.e. where we change attitudes gradually …

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