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Of parents, mothers, fathers, dads, mums, and children … do all people who have children make good parents?
This is probably the most rhetorical question I have asked yet, but before we wish it away, it’s worth noting that sometimes it is the most obvious of things that go misunderstood.
From my experiences & observations I have come to learn that most people do not plan for children (esp. in Africa & likewise Kenya), they have them by ‘accident’. Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, what matters is how you choose to raise the children you get. Oddly enough, most people who do have children are actually not cut-out to be parents nor do they necessarily ‘like’ children but since they got them anyway they end up raising them (often badly).
Now, we have the married category. Most people (other than the usual reasons) marry because they: –
1) want children after marriage
2) already have (a) child(ren) & hence acquiesce to the social pressure (i.e. religion) to ‘legitimise’ their predicament through a marriage
Type (1) are of 2 sub-types: –
1a) Those who are sold to the conventions of society and what it means to be married and raise a family. These types go on to have kids only to discover the reality is different and then wish they never had them (again this depends on whether you are the children-loving type or not).
1b) Those who actually do love children way before their marriage and actively talk about a future with children. Please don’t get me wrong; ‘liking children’ doesn’t always mean one wants to ‘raise children’. Many young women I have observed like children, esp. babies, how cute they look, nice and cuddly to take selfies with, but that’s it. Give the same person an hour of baby-sitting duty and they’ll be off like Usain Bolt at the IAAF 100 meters Men’s final.
Finally, (this may bite, but I speak from observation, maybe my experiences are the 1%), many women actually hate having children, but have them anyway so they counter this by fronting the opposite impression – how much their child(ren) mean everything to them. This is okay, but then again, it comes down to ‘how’ you raise the child you have.
I brought this up because who we are depends a lot on how we were brought up. We were all once children and likewise those who are children now will be adults when we are old or dead. Think about this critically …