Lessons from a first-time Successful Single Mom
Becoming a Successful Single Mom for the first time was both scary and exciting. There were a lot of unknowns, it’s not easy to know exactly what to do, even though I prepared as much as possible.
Here are 6 Practical lessons I learnt along the way, along with financial tips, budgeting tips and a Mans take on Single Fatherhood.
- You will get unsolicited advice, learn how to deal with it.
- Single parenting can be made wholesome and adequate.
- Trusted Friends and Family can play the role.
- You can do it, You are enough.
- Don’t Dread, Enjoy the Process.
- Ignore Society’s Standards and Comparisons.
Lesson 1: You will get unsolicited advice, learn how to deal with it
Being a new mother is a magnet to conflicting and unsolicited advice by well-meaning people. I was eager for information, especially from parents who have been there before me.
But I realised that Everyone has a different idea, opinion, and a ‘right’ way of doing things, from pregnancy to birth, to rearing kids. Being a Successful Single Mom means listening and choosing what works best for you.Being a new mother is a magnet to conflicting and unsolicited advice by well-meaning people. You will get unsolicited advice, learn how to deal with it. Click To Tweet
Lesson 2: Single parenting can be made wholesome and adequate
So, I started doing my own research, trusted my mum-tuition & instincts. I had to became confident in my ability to be a Successful Single Mom to my Son since part of me felt inadequate.
This was especially because I am a Single mama, yet I wanted a wholesome family setup for my child. I constantly felt the need to fit into both mommy and daddy shoes but I am very feminine. There ain’t nothing masculine about me.
Lesson 3: Trusted Friends and Family can play the role
I let my paps, my brother and my closest cousin, Georgiee Trender Gitau, fill in the father figure role. To be a Successful Single Mom, you have to accept help but still be cautious as to where it is coming from.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the intention and advise of well meaning parents and will even dig deeper if something sparks my curiosity; but I filter whatever information comes my way.If there's one thing you should say to a Single Parent, it has to be this: You can do it, You are enough! Click To Tweet
Lesson 4: You can do it, You are enough.
There’s one piece of advice that my mom gave me and she keeps repeating ‘Ivy, you can do it. You are enough’.
I think those are the best words an expecting mom or new mom can ever hear, single or not.
I stopped trying to do everything perfectly or ‘right.’ I do what my gut tells me and what feels right for my child and I. Believing in your self is a huge step closer to being a Successful Single Mom.
Lesson 5: Don’t Dread, Enjoy the Process.
I no longer stress over the small things instead I cherish each day of every stage and milestone. I stopped rushing my Baby boy to grow up because kids grow up so fast.
Just the other day I was looking like an elephant, heavily pregnant, the next minute I was celebrating his first birthday and now we are starting school.Treasure each moment: Just the other day I looked like an elephant, heavily pregnant, the next minute is his first birthday and now we are starting school… Click To Tweet
Lesson 6: Ignore Society’s Standards and Comparisons
Sometimes Moms, are subject to a lot of judgment and are measured by standards of perfection or superhuman performance. I know I don’t know everything.
However, I ultimately live and parent on my own terms because every child is different and every child has different needs.
Don’t compare your child with another.
What’s the Conclusion?
Remember that God doesn’t make mistakes, You are not a perfect parent But you are exactly the one your child needs.
Perfect parenting is not the Goal, purposeful parenting is.
Time is the currency of Love, spend intentional quality time with your child(ren) despite your schedules. – Min HawiBuilding wealth as a single mom can be challenging. Financial survival depends on you. Fostering meaningful financial habits is inevitable. Click To Tweet
Financial Tips for Successful Single Moms (and Dads too)
Building wealth as a single mom can be challenging. Financial survival almost fully depends on you. That’s why you need to start creating wealth and fostering meaningful financial habits.
This includes saving, investing, budgeting and more… Here is a list of 6 basic financial tips that can get you started towards the journey to financial freedom.
- Earn Like Your Life Depends On It because it actually does.
- Get Real About What You Can Afford and work with budgets.
- Pay Off Debt – for good by avoiding it like a plague at all costs.
- Protect Yourself and Your Children by Saving and Investing.
- Keep in mind the Short- and Long-Term when saving.
- Set Big Financial Goals and start daily habits that lead towards them.
Low-Income Budgeting for Successful Single Moms
Successful Single Moms can still save money even when living on a fixed low budget.
- Keep Your Budget Lean
- Get educated in finance
- Prioritise what is important
- Tackle High-Interest Debt First
- Cut Down Your Biggest Expenses
- Always look for cheaper alternatives
- Use cash over debit or credit cards
- Look for Ways to make extra income
- Set up an emergency fund
- Include savings as a budgeting item
To get a better idea about saving etiquette, read this post by the famous Dr. Tayo Oyedeji, and How he Retired at 40. He created enough income to sustain his lifestyle and managed to set up alternative sources of passive income.
The big 8 Financial Formulae by Dr. Tayo Oyedeji
The above Financial Formulae probably doesn’t make any sense to you. It is an extended financial literacy model that Dr. Tayo Oyedeji teaches in conferences around the world.
If you also crave Financial Freedom, Click here to open this article in a new tab and find out how How You can Prepare for Early Retirement.
You may also Google “The big 8 Financial Formulae by Dr. Tayo Oyedeji” and click on the first link for more information.
Video: Raising a Child as a Single Man – Tedd Jossiah
Welcome to our journey of Love Life and laughter. Our real journey learning to live without a mother, learning to be a man who is also a dad and mom, a child learning to live in this world, walk, play, talk and all. This is the true story of #HRH Her Royal Highness #Empress #GummyBear ????? and her father #PapaBear– Tedd Josiah
Tedd Josiah shares one of the last video moments with his late wifeLegendary music producer Tedd Josiah has shared a very intimate moment he had with his wife months before she passed on. who lost his wife in is among the celebrities celebrating women today.
Tedd’s wife Regina Katar passed away in September last year, from internal bleeding which was caused by a blood disorder in which there were few platelets in her blood.
The condition is commonly known as Thrombocytopenia. Almost a year later, life hasn’t been the same for Tedd and their one year old daughter.
Black Celebrities who are Famous and Successful Single Moms
Taraji P. Henson fell in love with her high school sweetheart. They remained together in their early 20’s and she was a junior in college when she found out she was pregnant.
The “Hustle & Flow” star gave birth to her son, Marcel, in 1994 but her son’s father was killed in a car accident when their son was still young. With nothing but $700 to her name, Henson packed up her things and moved to Hollywood with Marcel to pursue her dream of becoming an actress.
Her big break came when she landed a role in “Baby Boy” and the rest is history.
Solange Knowles followed her very famous big sister’s footsteps into the world of singing but she did manage to beat Beyonce when it came to motherhood.
The younger Knowles became pregnant at the age of 17 and she married her high school sweetheart before she gave birth to their son Daniel. Even though she relocated to Idaho to raise a family while her husband pursued a higher education, their marriage only lasted three years.
A young, single mother, Solange has raised her son while carving a path of her own out as an eclectic songstress.
Regina King started her acting career early. Her first role as Brenda Jenkins on “227” turned her into a star while she was still a teenager.
Since then, King has steadily padded her résumé with role after role, starring in both film and television. In 1997, King tied the knot to Ian Alexander and the couple had one son together.
But ten years later, they split up and since then King has been raising her son as a single mother.
Vanessa L. Williams made history by becoming the first Black Miss America back in 1983. Since then she’s gone on to have a stellar career as an actress and singer.
Married twice, first to a public relations consultant and then to NBA player Rick Fox, Williams became a mother four times over. She had three children by her first husband and a daughter with Fox.
Williams became a single woman again after her marriage to the former Los Angeles Lakers star ended in divorce in 2004.
Christina Milian got caught up in a fairytale romance when she started dating superproducer The-Dream in early 2009.
By the time the fall came around, a pregnant Milian and The-Dream had eloped in Las Vegas, but when she gave birth to her daughter Violet, the “Dip It Low” singer was already a single mother. Behind closed doors, the couple had split up three months after saying, “I do.”
Juggling many hats, Milian makes sure her daughter is her first priority. “As a mom, that’s at the forefront of everything in my mind, so I’m always trying to balance,” she said to “Ebony” magazine. “Whether its bringing Violet to work or the second I am done working, getting home to her.”
Jill Scott honed her signature sound working as a back up singer before stepping into the spotlight herself.
In June 2008, concert-goers were shocked to see Scott share a long kiss onstage with her drummer and fans were even more surprised when, a year later, she and her drummer welcomed a baby boy.
But in just a matter of months, Scott became a single mother. Undeterred, Scott has juggled the duties of a new mother with being a singer and a budding acting career.
About the Author: Ivy Kinyanjui
Ivy Kinyanjui was born on January 15th, 1993. She is a farmer, a cake couturier, a Bachelor of Education(Arts) undergraduate at Kenyatta University and a writer. She writes about intentional and positive parenting practices which she is very passionate about. She is also a Single mother of one, Liam Hawi Kinyanjui. In her spare time she Loves reading, Listening to music and spending quality time with her son.
Before you go, I highly recommend this article about The Concept of Virginity and if it Plays any role in the Oppression of Women. There is a lot of social pressure and preconceived opinions that are not factual. This article is one lady’s quest to debunk the mystery surrounding virginity.
Scientifically, there is no actual definition of virginity because the concept of virginity cannot be empirically proven. For more explanation on this, click here to open the article in a new tab, which also explores the Myths about Virginity and the Actual Meaning of Virginity.